The Least You Should Know (11/30)

Mike Tyson is reportedly opening a restaurant. He evidently didn’t pay attention to the election; this isn’t a good time for people who support earmarks.

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The Least You Should Know (11/29)

The UK asked McDonald's, KFC and Pepsi to help write a new government health policy. When that’s finished they’ll create a tax code with advice from Wesley Snipes.

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The Department of Defenth

I'm not one of those guys who complains that President Obama spends time playing basketball. However, a pickup game of hoops Friday is a metaphor for his presidency. While the Koreans are on the brink of providing Alan Alda with another successful sitcom, President Obama played defense with his face. The result: 12 stitches to the lip.

Just as Bush's presidency became known by video of him trying to leave through a locked door after giving a speech overseas (see: no exit strategy), Obama's might be characterized by his getting a bloody lip on defense. To be fair, maybe he was taking a charge. Perhaps he's not used to man-to-man defense. Given his political philosophy, he probably prefers zone because everybody plays an equal part.

Fortunately, the President was treated immediately and is fine (he has good health insurance). And if things escalate among the Koreans, Joe Biden will make a great Frank Burns.

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The Least You Should Know (11/28)

A Kansas man uploaded video on YouTube he shot on I-75 of a horse in the back seat of a car. There’s a logical reason it was in the back seat of a car: the cow called shotgun.

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The Least You Should Know (11/24)

Martha Stewart told Stephen Colbert she gets Thanksgiving turkeys drunk before killing them. She kills them by either chopping off their heads or making them do origami.

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The Least You Should Know (11/23)

The true story 127 Hours is reportedly causing some filmgoers to faint during the scene when a hiker amputates his own arm. The news will certainly end any thoughts of a Lorena Bobbit movie.

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The Least You Should Know (11/22)

The deck of playing cards was inducted into the National Toy Hall of Fame. Now guys can tell their wives they got them a classic gift; it’s small, in a box, and has a lot of diamonds.

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The Least You Should Know (11/18)

British scientists developed a new material that could be used to make an invisible cloak. Now they can’t find where they put it.

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The Least You Should Know (11/17)

A bar in New York recently celebrated the 100th anniversary of its urinals. It was standing room only.

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The Least You Should Know (11/16)

The Chinese have built the world’s fastest supercomputer. It’s expected to become obsolete by the time you finish reading this sentence.

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The Least You Should Know (11/15)

Syracuse University found that falling in love can elicit the same euphoric high as doing cocaine. Either way, statistically there’s a 50 percent chance you’ll end up losing your house.

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The Least You Should Know (11/11)

The rescued Chilean miners were invited to last weekend's New York City Marathon. There’s a reason; it’s a runner’s dream to compete against a guy that takes 69 days to get home from work.

The Least You Should Know (11/10)

Robert De Niro and Sylvester Stallone might do a movie where they play old boxing rivals. Senior citizens shouldn't do boxing movies; hitting below the belt could cause a chest injury.

The Least You Should Know (11/9)

Chicago was named the most dangerous city in America. Once again, in Chicago the dead get to vote.

The Least You should Know (11/8)

In his new autobiography Keith Richards details the Rolling Stones partying through the 60s and 70s. But they all slowed down when they turned 80.

The Least You Should Know (11/3)

A company is marketing an alarm clock that’s louder than a chainsaw. It’s guaranteed to wake you up in time to put on clean underwear.

The Least You Should Know (11/2)

Paramount Pictures is discussing a Top Gun 2. The original came out in 1986, before John McCain was a Maverick and Hillary Clinton was the Iceman.