As excited as I am about John McCain putting Sarah Palin on the ticket, it has it's shortcomings. After all, she's only a governor; she doesn't have much experience.
From what I've heard some pundits say, she would only be a stroke away from being Grand Poo-bah of the U.S. Can we take that risk? After all, it's not like she's been a junior senator or community organizer.
Janet Jackson is releasing her own line of lingerie. It goes on sale in November, and comes off the rack in the Super Bowl.
Last week 4 horses were banned from the Olympic jumping competition for doping. Officials got suspicious when they saw them taking batting practice.
A Wisconsin man is selling his Chevy pickup that has over a million miles on it. Just because it’s been driven that much doesn’t mean it’s useless; just ask Madonna.
The Census Bureau projects that by 2042 white people will no longer be considered the majority. Which should finally give somebody else a chance to play in the NBA.
A retired British bullfighter returned to the ring at age 65. The bulls wanted no part of him, so they traded him to the Jets.
The Phil Spector murder retrial starts in October. It’s great timing; by then the World Series is the only place Americans can see a man walk twice.
A Burger King worker in Ohio got fired after he took a bubble bath in a restaurant sink. It’s appalling; people who want a simple artery-clogging meal shouldn’t have to put up with this guy’s germs.
U.S. swimmer Michael Phelps is an international star. Nobody’s been this excited to see a guy getting wet since Dick Cheney learned about waterboarding.
Democrats are concerned because there's going to be a shortage of limousines in Denver during the convention. It doesn't matter, because according to scripture Barack Obama is supposed to enter town on a donkey.
Tickets for Barack Obama’s speech in Denver sold out in less than 24 hours. It was to be expected; the first 10,000 fans get a free tire gauge.
At the Sturgis motorcycle rally John McCain suggested that his wife enter a topless contest. So it’s not surprising he's being endorsed by Bill Clinton.
Officials in Beijing are warning tourists to respect local laws and strictly prohibit getting drunk, streaking, or sleeping outside. Evidently China doesn’t have any colleges.
Look -- it's me. In the newspaper:
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
Colby Teacher, Doug Johnson, earns Honorable Mention in National Joke Writing Contest
Doug Johnson, a college recruiter and instructor at Colby College, was awarded an Honorable Mention in the “Archangel Shecky One Great Joke” contest for his original one-liner:
I’m not saying I live in a bad neighborhood, but the window of opportunity has bars on it.
Johnson, who used to work in radio, has an Associate degree in Radio/TV from Colby Community College, a Bachelor’s degree in Communication and a Master’s degree both from Fort Hays State University.
“When I left the radio industry, I missed it,” says Johnson. “So I started writing again. People actually paid me for it.” Presently, he writes for All-Star Radio in St. Louis and for various comedy services and greeting card companies. For samples of his one-liners visit his blog, www.djcomedy.com .
Current humorists who have influenced his writing are Jerry Seinfeld, Steven Wright, and Steve Martin.
The “Archangel Shecky One Great Joke” contest was inspired by the soon to be published novel, Breakfasts with Archangel Shecky (Quill Driver Books, Fall, 2008), written by 3 time Emmy-winning comedy writer, Gene Perret. In the book, the fictional angel advises aspiring comedy writers to start by writing “One Great Joke.” For additional information about this book or upcoming writing contests, phone Linda at (818) 865-7833, e-mail her at comedywriting@sbcglobal.net, or visit the website, www.archangelshecky.com
New research from the American Academy of Neurology says that fish may prevent mental decline. Unless you have to try and catch them…
Democrats changed their minds and will serve fried food at the convention in Denver. They had to make the change; Barack Obama is getting tired of feeding the masses with loaves of bread.
The Green Bay Packers offered Brett Favre $20 million to stay retired. It’s a shame they weren’t managing the New Kids on the Block.
New research suggests that children born prematurely are shyer than full-term babies. In fact, after they're born premature babies will go months without talking to anybody.
During the Democrat Convention in Denver, homeless people will get free passes to movie theaters. Officials don't want them around bothering delegates by begging for money; Hillary Clinton doesn't need the competition.
Even worse, they only get to see one movie: Jurassic Park Bench.
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