The Least You Should Know (3/28)

The Baseball Players Union is investigating why no team is offering Barry Bonds a contract this year. He says he can still play if somebody will just give him a shot.

The Least You Should Know (3/27)

The gun of a U.S. Airways pilot accidentally went off during a flight from Denver to Charlotte. Nobody was hurt, but it ruined his flask.

The Least You Should Know (3/25)

On this day in 1896, the modern Olympics began in Greece. There are only 2 things that started in 1896 that we still refer to as “modern:” the Olympics, and Larry King.

The Least You Should Know (3/23)

Harry Houdini was born on this day in 1874. It was his first escape act.

It Ain't so Wise

I had my wisdom teeth removed yesterday. In hindsight I should have asked the dentist to return them to me, given what the Tooth Fairy pays these days. Of course, then the IRS would be on me about unreported income...

They suggested I put a tea bag in my mouth to help the clotting process. Good idea, but I'm not sure what to do with that little string. It just dangles out of my mouth. It looks like I'm hiding a mouse.

The Least You Should Know (3/17)

When asked why Dick Cheney is flying to the Middle East today President Bush said, “He has to. Gas is too expensive to drive.”

The Least You Should Know (3/13)

Jack Kevorkian is running for Congress. You don't want to know his solution to fix health care.

The Least You Should Know (3/12)

On this day in 1894, the first professional striptease took place in Paris. According to reports, he rocked.

Client 9

Here's my take on the Elliot Spitzer story: I don't get it.

I never understood the attraction to the whole prostitution thing. Heck, I feel emasculated for hiring a plumber to fix something I should know how to do.

In the FBI report he's known as Client 9. You know who has to be the most nervous about all of this? Numbers 1 through 8.

Maybe Elliot should have been doing his activities at a Holiday Inn Express. At least then he could fool people into thinking he's a smart man. "I'm not actually an ethical governor, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night."

The Least You Should Know (3/10)

Amy Winehouse is launching a line of beauty products. It gives new meaning to the phrase "powdering your nose."

The Least You Should Know (3/7)

Pasadena, Calif., designated the first week of March as “No Cussing Week.” It’s definitely not the time to rearrange the furniture.

The Least You Should Know (3/3)

In China, a plane was grounded so the crew could search for a pet mouse that escaped from a passenger's pocket. The mouse hid where nobody would find it – in the luggage.