The Least You Should Know (9/20)

Rumors are out that Michael and Janet Jackson will go on tour next year. Janet will keep her clothes on, and Michael, his nose.

The Least You Should Know (9/17)

Arnold Schwarzenegger said that if Republicans want to win, they have to become more like him. This explains why Fred Thompson announced he's going to star in several bad movies.

The Least You Should Know (9/13)

NASA scientists announced the finding of a star that sucks material and energy from everything around it. They call it, "Britney."

The Least You Should Know (9/12)

Fred Thompson said freedom-loving Iraqis are siding with the U.S. because al Qaeda won’t let them smoke.

Well, that and we have the NFL Network.

The Bar is on the Ground...

Two days before the anniversary of 9/11, there was a cultural thermometer that had to make even terrorists feel sympathetic towards the U.S. I'm sure as they watched the MTV Video Music Awards -- and I'm sure Osama did given his apparent love for video -- they wondered how we're even able to fight this war.

While our soldiers are carrying 80 pounds of equipment on their backs in 100-plus heat, the media was heating up to watch Britney Spears open the VMA's. Obviously it didn't go well. Why are we surprised? She didn't have talent before this. Though dancing is (was) her strength, she stumbled around that night. Maybe Larry Craig should show her how to have a wider stance.

The only thing that helped Britney look good was Miss Teen South Carolina, appearing in a sad attempt to look smarter than she did last month answering a pageant question. Didn't work; perhaps she would have done better if she had a map.

Meanwhile, Kid Rock was slapping around Tommy Lee. Apparently they showed up wearing the same sleeveless shirt and it didn't sit well with Kid.

Through Sarah Silverman's bad jokes and narcissistic acceptance speeches from tabloid fodder, there wasn't one word about our soldiers.

Apparently Britney's underwear, P. Daffy's music, and Kanye's tantrums are what matter. Just when you thought the cultural bar couldn't get any lower, the media props up another bimbo without character.

America has lost it's focus. The feelings of post 9/11 are gone. We were angry and we were sad, but we were a team. There were no politics; we knew what was important, at least for a few weeks.

Sadly, it's going to take another catastrophe for us to raise the bar again. Right now it's hard because Larry Craig's gay shoes and Barry Bonds' syringes are hanging on it. We need to put trivia aside and realize what matters.

Don't get me wrong -- I don't claim to have the answers; I don't even know where to find the answers. However, I'm pretty sure we won't find them in pictures of Britney's crotch.

The Least You Should Know (9/6)

Al Qaeda announced Osama bin Laden will release a new video soon.

He'll reportedly comment on the subprime lending rate that led to foreclosure on his cave.

The Least You Should Know (9/4)

Research reveals that the Great Wall of China is eroding. Apparently it’s the only thing built in China that doesn’t contain lead.

The Least You Should Know (9/3)

On this day in 1935, Sir Malcolm Campbell became the first person to drive a car 300 miles an hour. The next day he had his brakes fixed.