Road Trips Defined

Although there may be more than four types of road trips, most can be packed into the following categories neater than a hitchhiker in the trunk.

The Bullet

The Bullet is when you absolutely positively have to be there overnight. Not for any particular event, you just have to get there in record time. The Bullet defined my childhood travel. My dad should have worked for Federal Express because we often passed the trucks along the side of the road in the middle of the night.

To further enhance the Bullet, my father couldn’t hear well so he turned toward the back seat to read our lips, gradually pulling the car to the shoulder. It wasn’t until driver’s education that I realized that wasn’t a fancy passing lane.

The Funeral

This could also be called the Wedding or the Graduation. Because everybody knows a person who will die, get married or graduate, this one is inevitable. It’s the obligatory road trip; the kind where you see people you haven’t seen in 8 years, knowing it will be that long until the next encounter. Unless somebody dies before then.


The Pro

Every industry has at least one professional organization that requests your attendance at the annual conference. Enter the Pro. The Pro is a chance to cram in a vehicle with coworkers you liked before the trip. If you’re lucky, the summit of the Pro is an opportunity to share a motel room and discover even more quirky habits of your officemate.

The Fella

Sometimes the Fella road trip has a point. According to most wives, however, the Fella is a pointless opportunity for men to get together and act stupid. Technically, this type of road trip does have a pre-determined destination. It just takes a while to reach it. The Fella is characterized by role playing in convenience stores, trying new comedy on restaurant patrons, and testing the base on the factory stereo.

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