Agency Discovers Sleeper Cells

(Miami) – A private detective agency announced the discovery of sleeper cells in several American venues.

Sleeper cells are a larger problem than once thought, according to Marvin Strutt, owner of Marvelous Marv's Detective Agency.

The investigation began when a client simply known as "The Boss" hired Strutt to observe events at his office when he couldn't be there all the time. "It seemed like an isolated case in an isolated office, but as we followed these people they connected with other 'sleepers'-that's what we call them in the business."

"I found sleepers everywhere. Employees with pillows in their offices, cars with reclining seats; some even sleep in airports. You name it, these people try to sleep in it," Strutt said from his parent's sofa in a Florida retirement village.

"Sleepers are hard to track, but at the same time they're everywhere. They live in cities and rural areas, all the time living seemingly ordinary lives. They go to work, have families, and eat Spam like every other American."

Even more disturbing to Strutt is the recruitment of children into the cells. "I tracked one guy for several weeks and every night, like clockwork, he made his daughter go to bed at nine o'clock. It's really heartbreaking."

Strutt wanted more time to make a complete investigation, but calendar restrictions forced him to take his findings public. "With Thanksgiving coming up, we knew we had to expose these people because of that one chemical in turkey that makes people tired. Thanksgiving is like a holiday for these sickos."

"In the end, we felt like Joe Q. Public should know who is living, or shall I say sleeping with him."

After the nineteen month nationwide investigation Strutt is exhausted, but refuses to put Americans at risk of the sleeper cells.

"We'll start another investigation soon. We've heard some rumors about what they're forcing kids in kindergarten to do after they eat their graham crackers."