- In Kansas, scientists used ground penetrating radar to uncover a meteorite buried 4 feet beneath a field. Their next field assignment is to locate missing Oakland Raider linemen buried in Denver.
- An Austrian workman slipped while working on a house and nailed his left testicle to the roof with a nail gun. The event inspired a new HBO series, The Falsettos.
- Scientists are pursuing the creation of a Harry Potter-like “invisibility cloak.” They’re consulting with John Kerry to see how his works.
- The Republican chairman of the House Intelligence Committee suspended a Democratic staff member pending an investigation into whether he leaked a high-level intelligence assessment. Democrats argue on the grounds that there is no high-level intelligence in government.
- The man posting an Internet threat that "dirty bombs" would detonate this weekend at NFL stadiums is Jake J. Brahm, a Wisconsin grocery store clerk. His orange prison jumpsuit will be made of paper...or plastic.
- Troops fighting in Afghanistan stumbled across 10-foot marijuana plants that Taliban militants were using as cover. The militants claim they were plant sitting for Willie Nelson while he’s on tour.
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