Soda Pop for Senator!

I'm tired of politics, but I like soda. Fortunately, I found a candidate I can get behind. Below is the transcript from his new radio commercial.

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Soda: My name is Soda Pop and I approved this message.

(James Earl Jones): The Republicans say they love children, but none of them send America’s youth into a frenzy like Soda Pop.

The Democrats believe in a mix of all nationalities, but no mixer is better than Soda.

When you pull the curtain in the voting booth, remember the one that will be there early in the morning. He’s the one with you on your first date, at the football game, in your lap. He’s Soda Pop, and he wants your vote.

His opponent—Chuck Lotmilk—says that Soda keeps everything bottled up. But even when he’s on the rocks, Soda keeps his cool. Need proof? Soda voted for higher taxes and then voted to lower them—even though he was in the can while voting.

Soda Pop is diverse. He’s light enough to calm Don Rumsfeld from killing us all. Or he can provide enough punch to help Al Gore blink.

Many people don’t know what state he represents. Soda Pop represents all of America’s states, specifically the State of Denial and the State of Confusion.

Americans can’t get enough of Soda Pop. His effervescent personality is uniting citizens from Bangor to Portland (Oregon, that is). Some call him Soda, others call him Pop. It doesn’t matter what you call him, as long as you call him Senator in November.

It’s important to make an investment in America. Get out and vote. As Soda says: “No Deposit—No Return.”

(Second Voice): This message paid for by the Soda Pop for Senate Champaign. Mel Gibson, Chairperson.)