- Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld underwent surgery to repair a torn rotator cuff on his left shoulder. The tear is from an old athletic injury. Liberals say he threw too many curves.
- Fidel Castro boasts that he lost 41 pounds since he had surgery. The bulk of the weight disappeared when his brother Raul removed the pillow from Fidel’s face.
- A Georgia school district is piloting a system in which children pay for lunches by scanning their fingerprints. The children complain that the scanner isn’t big enough for their noses.
- A Japanese man was arrested at 2:00 a.m. for stealing a female mannequin from a display window. She was a one-night stand.
- Philadelphia police are hoping someone can identify a man accused of four separate flashing incidents. Currently, the details are minimal.
- Four prisoners in an El Salvador jail wrapped cell phones and accessories in plastic and inserted them deep into their rectums. Defense attorneys say it makes sense because that’s where their heads were anyway.
- The government is fining the American Red Cross $4.2 million for violating blood safety laws, stemming from recalls carried out between 2003 and 2005. Blood recalls? I thought it was a pain when they recalled my Ford Focus.
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