- A maker of customized caskets signed a licensing agreement with Major League Baseball, so fans can show team loyalty even after death. Currently, coffins for the Kansas City Royals are unavailable because of a large order by team members at the beginning of the season.
- The U.S. Census Bureau reports that next month the population in America will top 300 million. Naturally, they will each stand in front of me at Wal-Mart paying with pennies.
- Astronomers spotted a new ring around Saturn. They say it’s from hard water deposits.
- Trying to ease tensions for comments that offended Muslims, Pope Benedict invited officials from Muslim countries to meet next week. He’s serving spinach.
- Hezbollah’s leader called a rally to celebrate the “victory” over Israel. In a related story, the Washington Generals celebrated their victory over the Harlem Globetrotters.
- Agents in Louisiana found marijuana on Willie Nelson’s tour bus. The incident delayed his Bong Voyage Tour.
- A Polish woman faces up to three years in prison for growing marijuana to calm the nerves of her cow. Police grew suspicious after seeing the cow buy seventeen cases of Doritos...and board Willie Nelson's tour bus.
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