- Male researchers released a study suggesting that men are more intellegent than woman. The scientists were unavailable for further comment because they were gathering their belongings off the front lawn.
- Archaeologists say that a stone block found in Mexico may bear the oldest writing in the New World. The inscription translates to, “Ted Kennedy for Senator!”
- President Bush called on Congress to give U.S. intelligence agencies the “tools needed” to interrogate suspected terrorists. Vice President Dick Cheney agreed, but said the only tools necessary for interrogations are a ball-peen hammer and a pair of pliers.
- In Vienna, a group trying to clear the streets of dog droppings is urging residents to record how many droppings they see within a five minute period and report the figure. Meanwhile, sales of Vienna Sausages plummeted.
- Astronomers say the largest planet ever found orbiting another star received a name. They call it Rosie O.
- In Green Bay, a pig withstood taser shots from police and eluded authorities for more than an hour after wandering onto a major highway. For Packer fans this is nothing new. They’re used to seeing a drive stop when people don’t catch the pigskin.
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