Kent Calls for More Phone Booths

(Metropolis) Showing support for vanishing telephone booths, Metropolis resident Clark Kent is lobbying on behalf of Superman to give the Man of Steel a place to change his clothes. “Nobody calls from phone booths
anymore because they use cell phones. The phone companies are doing away with booths."

When asked why it has to be a phone booth for Superman, Kent became agitated. “Have you ever had to change clothes in a Wal-Mart bathroom? Last week Superman slipped on a dirty Wet Wipe left by some guy changing his kid’s diaper on that little table thingy. Superman tweaked his knee. That gave criminal mastermind Lex Luther just enough time to mass produce the new Paris Hilton CD.”

Kent said Superman no longer changes in his car. “He ripped his cape on the park brake and had to take the subway. Unfortunately it kept him from getting to Tom Cruise before Braniac did. You’ve seen in the news what happened to Tom’s personality because of that.”

“My friend Jimmy told me that Superman should change in the back seat next time, but come on. He’s Superman. He’s too big to change in a Ford Focus anyway.”

His girlfriend suggested another route, encouraging Kent to make a proposition to the cell phone companies. “She said maybe Superman could get a free cell phone with unlimited minutes. In exchange he’d be the spokesman and everybody would call him the ‘Man of Cell.’ I said no way. This is an issue of principle and Superman is full of it. Principle I mean—he’s full of principle.”

Kent, a former freelance reporter, now travels the country encouraging Americans to give up their cell phones and step into a phone booth.

The “Cell Out for Superman” campaign is hitting a few snags. In Burlington, Colo., he arrived late to his scheduled appearance at the Nacho Hut. A small crowd waited nearly two hours before leaving for chess practice. Kent didn’t know what to do. “My car broke down on the Kansas City turnpike and I didn’t have a way to let anybody know.”

Despite the setbacks Kent believes his message is gaining traction. He often refers to “Phone Booth,” the Colin Farrell box office thriller released in 2002. “Sure, it scared people enough to never enter a phone
booth again, but at least it’s a start. We’re sitting here in the Nacho Hut talking about a phone booth instead of a cell phone. Right? The tide is turning. Cell phones are definately on their way out.”