- At the funeral of Ken Lay, the Reverend Dr. Bill Lawson compared Lay with Jesus Christ. I suppose he's right because they were both dealing with false prophets (profits).
- In Singapore, a skeleton was found slumped over a toilet in an abandoned house. Apparently the person was waiting for the plumber.
- Astronauts at the International Space Station received an oxygen reserve with the installation of a new device from NASA that can turn astronaut pee into oxygen. Meanwhile, nationwide enrollments for CPR classes are down.
- At a Dallas hospital, a patient in who was wearing an oxygen mask tried to light a cigarette in his room, sparking a fire that forced the evacuation of more than 100 patients, destroyed the room and melted medical equipment. Fire officials say he’s the toast of the town.
- 83-year-old Jim Eriotes became the oldest man to play professional baseball when he batted for the Sioux Falls Canaries on Thursday. He took four swings—fouling off one pitch—before striking out. Upon learning of the foul ball, the Royals signed him to a multi-year contract.
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