I Choose Not to Choose

I’m searching for a new razor. The type of razor I’ve used for years was discontinued. A guy has a few choices when looking at these things. After spending three hours perusing an entire isle in the store I began to think. Back in the day you chose from a single blade or a double blade. Now there are triple and quadruple blade razors. There are vibrating razors. A vibrating razor? That’s funny.

But apparently it doesn’t matter which razor I go with. Depending on the TV commercial I watch, my razor will give me a tan, give me a herculean body, and force my wife to rub my face while she gives me the look. My career will advance, my bank account will grow, and my kids will respect me. Therefore, I’m using every kind of blade on the shelf. Except that vibrating one.

Update: I discovered another razor with five blades--called the Fusion. Appropriately named because this search for the perfect razor is melting my brain.