The Least You Should Know (1/12)

60 percent of Americans support a National Day of Prayer. And that day is whatever day Joe Biden is talking to international leaders.

Isolation Thoughts

Some random thoughts, as we spend way too much time alone.

• All these years I never realized Charlie Brown’s teacher intros Bon Jovi’s Livin’ On a Prayer. 
• People who tell you to cough into your elbow are double-jointed. 
• There should be more concern that with all of the toilet paper hysteria, there isn’t a proportionate shortage of air fresheners.

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Settle down, Better Homes & Gardens. It's a set of sheets. Not a race car.

The Blind Spot

Our three children range in age from four to 18. I'm sure you can imagine the smiles people my age have when I share that in one weekend two years ago we tackled a promposal, a science fair, and potty training. There are times, however, when smiles turn to an inquisitive look that prepare me for the familiar question, "Oh, was your youngest an accident?"

An accident, to me, conjures up images of: 1). injury, despair, and panic; 2). or, you wet your pants (remember potty training?).


By those definitions I'm not sure how an accident squares with conception. You never hear somebody say, "After chemistry lab last semester I backed my car into somebody in the parking lot. It was just an accident, but now she's pregnant."

To that end, here are some standard replies to the "accident" question:

•  "Why? What have you heard?"
• "No, he wasn't an accident. I don't mean to brag, but I know how people are made."
• "No, he wasn't an accident My wife and I both passed high school biology."
• "Yes he was. But my wife is going to make an honest man out of me and we're getting married."
• "Yes, he was planned. Want to see the blueprints?" 
• "I certainly hope he wasn't an accident. I thought I did everything right."

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Jesus Joins Twitter, Only Has 12 Followers

As I sat at 2:26 a.m. waiting for people to count ballots on the east coast, my mind wandered. Maybe it was sleep deprivation, but I realized how tired I am of the media, in their arrogance and ignorance, and how crooked they are. Then I wondered how today's media might cover stories from the Bible to shape a political message. More to come, but here are a few:

•  Illnesses blamed on Messiah for providing gluten-filled bread
• Flood lasting 40 days, 40 nights caused by global warming
• God creates woman; doesn’t provide equal access to man’s bathroom
• Creator of the universe punishes man, woman in garden for being vegetarian
• Coat of many colors likely made from Pride flag
• Neglected juvenile uses slingshot to stone overweight man

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 Donald Trump’s childhood home is for sale. It has five bedrooms, five bathrooms, and


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Update from Third Grade

 "Daddy, I have two things to tell you about today. First, Cameron Elling won the spelling bee. Second, two kindergartners threw up."

This has been your update from third grade.

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